What would COVID say?

COVID-19:

Hello and welcome everyone (and I do mean everyone). Covid here, along with Polio…

POLIO:

Hi, folks. I don’t get out much now, it’s a treat for me just to be here.

COVID-19:

We’re here on behalf of viruses everywhere to say thanks. Thanks to anti-masker-vaxxers for making this pandemic (and my submicroscopic existence) such a success.

POLIO:

Go… team!

COVID-19:

We recently reached our goal of 700,000 deaths…

POLIO:

[thumbs up]

COVID-19:

…in the wealthiest country in the world. Take a knee, USA.

POLIO:

USA… USA…

COVID-19:

World War II cost 400,000 American lives. Covid 19? I’m nearly twice as expensive.

POLIO:

And still counting.

COVID-19:

That’s right, Polio. Thanks to anti-masker-vaxxers.

POLIO:

In my day it was all about contaminated food and water.

COVID-19:

You had me at contaminated, Polio. Today, with lots of international travel, airborne is the key.

POLIO:

If only I could have flown.

COVID-19:

But it’s not only thanks to air travel. Today we’ve got personal freedoms to carry us along. And aren’t hospital beds meant to be used? I think you know we’re on the right track when people hoard toilet paper.

POLIO:

Is that because they’re full of shit?

COVID-19:

No, Polio. It’s because nobody wants to be a lab rat. It’s a personal freedom thing. Anti-masker-vaxxers refuse to be muzzled.

POLIO:

Our benefactors.

COVID-19:

Benefactors indeed. And so once again, thanks, to everyone who helped me spread. Feel free to blow me again. In a bar, in the car, at work, at the store; blow me when you snore. It’s all good. I’m contagious!

POLIO:

Go Delta variant!

COVID-19:

And little Omicron, too.

See you next year!